CSotD: Post-Holiday Humor

Yesterday was Factchecking Day, which makes me wish Steve Kelley (Creators)’s cartoon had run then, because it’s an easy one to fact-check: March 31 was established as International Transgender Day of Visibility in 2009, so there was no “blunder” in the White House issuing a proclamation saying so, as they issue proclamations for all sorts of things.

Easter, for Western Christians, is celebrated the first Sunday after the full Moon that occurs on or after the spring equinox, which this year was also March 31.

This didn’t stop the rightwing from being horrified that the administration would acknowledge human rights on the most sacred day in the Christian calendar, declaring it a plot, not a coincidence.

Which brings up this revelation about Joe Biden’s incredible superpowers: He has decreed that Easter will fall on Transgender Day of Visibility again in 2086 and 2097!

That’s not all: For Eastern Orthodox Christians, Easter will fall on May 5 this year, and it’s possible the White House will purposely ruin that Easter with a declaration regarding Mexico’s victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla.

Or about tacos. Brace yourselves!

Let’s explore some less paranoid ways of twisting reality:

For instance, Red and Rover (AMS) is set in a nostalgic, somewhat indistinct past, and today’s brought back memories.

We used tennis balls for backyard baseball mostly because not everyone in those pickup games had a glove and Whiffle Balls were worthless. The disadvantage was that tennis balls went forever, which meant too little time playing baseball and too much time searching the woods, unless — ah-ha! — you used a Whiffle Ball bat rather than a for-real wooden bat.

But here’s the fact check: Tennis balls were white up until 1972, which adds confusion to R&R’s actual setting, since he rides a “regular” bike and not one with banana seats and ape-hanger handlebars.

I blame Joe Biden.

I’m also blaming Biden for delaying this Rhymes With Orange (KFS) to make it run on April 2 despite Death declaring that his side gig takes place in March.

I did my taxes on March 31, even though it was a double-holiday this year, and found them even easier than in previous years. Those of us in the gig economy used to have to input our 1099 information, and then for a while we had the option of letting the IRS access them from our non-employers and now they don’t even ask where the money came from.

Apparently we’re currently on the verge of just letting the IRS do it all for us, which would be even easier than the old 1040EZ I used back in the niche when I was empty-nested but still a regular W-2 employee.

It makes sense, in a scary sort of way, because having the gummint do it all is acknowledging that we know they know how much we’re making. And what we’re doing. And how often we brush our teeth and who was that lady they saw us with last night.

In the meantime, nothing is inevitable except Death and taxes, but your survivors would appreciate it if you encountered them in the opposite order, unless you promise to leave everything in one clearly marked, easily found shoebox.

And Andrews-McMeel might have held onto this Lockhorns (AMS) until April 14 or so, though it’s a lovely rule to live by all year long.

The post office makes a fuss over staying open late to postmark taxes on April 15, but I’ve lived a couple of places where they celebrate Patriots Day, so taxes were due the 16th except that now they also celebrate Emancipation Day on the 16th so that, if you live in Massachusetts or Maine, you can procrastinate until the 17th.

Massachusetts is a far cry from New York.

Doing taxes isn’t the only thing that becomes easier with retirement, and Betty (AMS) seems to be in a story arc that hints at something I have never understood.

The days of putting up with things for 40 years and getting a gold watch are long over. For one thing, if you do stick around for 40 years, all you’ll likely get is a sheetcake and lemonade in the breakroom.

At one paper, they gave us five-year plaques, a piece of paper between a sheet of plastic and piece of wood from the local craft store. I got two and then I got smart.

Bottom line: When I hear someone complaining about their job and about their boss, I look to see if their shoes are nailed to the floor.

If so, maybe it’s time to go barefoot.

Speed Bump (Creators) raises another issue I’ve never understood.

The gag I like, but I’ve had about a dozen dogs over the years and never one that I had to get all ginned up.

In fact, all 12 or so have come ginned up in the first place, such that the challenge has been to keep them from exploding with excited delight.

Not only have I avoided asking them who is a good dog or if they’d like to go for a car ride, but if you ever need someone to diffuse a bomb, call me, because I can move a six-foot chain-link leash from the table to the hook where it belongs without making the slightest noise.

At one point, we had four dogs, and not only did we never, ever say the W-word, but even after we stopped using the word and began simply saying “W,” that would be enough to touch off chaos.

Dave Coverly gets a second appearance, because this Speed Bump (Creators) is something I haven’t tried, preferring to give up and go to the pros.

I took her to PetSmart until the time she pulled out of her collar and ran for it, which is how I discovered they shout a keyword and they lock all the doors to prevent an escape. One more way to get your dog ginned up.

Now she goes to a little doggy spa where she seems less freaked out by the process, and I know I am.

Juxtaposition of the Sheared

Today’s Deflocked (AMS) simply cracked me up. No commentary, just a tip of the hat.

And the Barn (Creators) gave me an earworm that I’m willing to share:

9 thoughts on “CSotD: Post-Holiday Humor

  1. In my RED & ROVER, the ball IS white because I read it in its actual, real form in my local paper.

    The banana seat thing is what spoiled the original WONDER YEARS. It was alleged to be set in 1968 (the date of issue of Joe Cocker’s “With a Little Help From My Friends,” which it used as its theme song, and not only were the kids all riding banana-seat-bikes with high-rise handlebars at least a few years too early, Kevin attended Robert F. Kennedy Junior High, which would have had to be renamed a mere ten weeks or less after his assassination. Even Cape Canaveral had to wait longer than that before LBJ got it renamed Cape Kennedy (till ’73/’74, when it reverted). Kevin’s sister was also using “karma” before John Lennon popularized it in 1970. If you’re not going to research the era better, you have no business setting anything in a specific year in the past. (There were others, but these were the ones I recall from the first episode or two.)

    But I fault the colorist of the online RED & ROVER rather than Basset (unless he did it himself), who I don’t believe ever set the strip in a specific year. Green shows up better than white on a white background, after all.

    1. Schwinn introduced the “Stingray” bike in 1963. My buddy next door got his in 1964 and I got mine not long after. His bike was “Flamboyant [candy-apple] Green” with the “racing slick” rear tire while mine was “Sky Blue” (still my favorite color!) and had a “knobby” rear tire. After that, every major bike manufacturer came out with knock-off models featuring “butterfly” handlebars and “banana” seats – Huffy was probably Schwinn’s biggest competitor.

      https://bikehistory.org/bikes/stingray/#1964-stingray

  2. More than one earworm today —
    Shut the door and lock and latch it
    Here comes Lizzie with a brand new hatchet

  3. Son, by the time we got hold of a tennis ball to play baseball with (in the ’50’s), it was gray…not white.

  4. Every time I see Steve Kelley featured I can’t help but think
    1. Is he always so incredibly wrong on every issue
    2. I could draw a better political cartoon in Microsoft Paint

  5. Sounds like Deflocked took a lesson from A Day at the Races (with Chico as a cow and Groucho a sheep – or pigeon).

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