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CSotD: Mostly Friday Funnies

Arlo and Janis so often reflect my world view that it sometimes barely registers, but this one cracked me up, because I’ve noticed that ad writers have picked up on the term and insert it into commercials in order to assure us that their product is for cool people.

Which, as Arlo notes, assumes a fact not in evidence.

The stoic in me shudders equally at people who take pride in binge-watching anything and the people who take pride in not owning a television.

Though I suppose, to follow the master, I shouldn’t judge either of them.

Does anyone bathe in very little time? Don’t say that he does it ill, but in very little time. Does anyone drink a great quantity of wine? Don’t say that he does ill, but that he drinks a great quantity. For, unless you perfectly understand the principle from which anyone acts, how should you know if he acts ill?

Some people watch quite a lot of television, others watch none at all. I don’t understand the principle from which either of them acts.

Though I do know that you can get a lot of housework done during a Law & Order marathon, at least up to the point where you realize that, in every episode, the person with the most money is guilty.

Sam Waterson appears to know very well the principles from which they act.

 

While I’m waxing philosophic

Existential Comics generally requires at least a bit of familiarity with the great philosophers, but this one doesn’t. If you’ve been to the doctor, “Wittgenstein at the Doctor” is gonna make you laugh.

 

Juxtaposition of the Week

(Rhymes with Orange)

(Zits)

I refer to those leashes as “dog-casting reels,” because they seem to be used by people who want to stand around looking unaware that their pooch is 12 feet away, crapping in someone’s flowers.

The thing about them is that, as seen in both cartoons, they make control of the animal at the other end much more difficult, which is ironic or at least funny because people who are in control of their animal don’t generally use them, there being no reason for your dog to be that far away from you any place that requires a leash.

 

I would make an exception, however, if I owned a basenji. This is a photo of two African dogs playing, mine being the ridgeback, in pursuit of a basenji who was an awful lot of fun, except that each of his appearances at the park ended up with his owner leaving in pursuit of him.

We haven’t seen him at the park in a very long time.  Basenjis cannot be trained, but owners can.

There are several breeds for which you are told not to ever let the dog off leash, but the basenji is in a class of his own and bless the basenji rescue people for being honest, because their testimony will certainly discourage impulse adoptions and I would caution you against trying to drink coffee and read the “bad” stories simultaneously.

Bottom Line: If I somehow ended up with a basenji, I would put it on a retractable leash.

Even in the house.

Now where were we?

Non Sequitur makes a suggestion that pings one of my eternal questions, which is why so many people want to get out of jury duty?

I finally got on a jury a couple of years ago, and it was a fascinating experience, beginning to end.

They didn’t give us drinks, but, oddly enough, on the third day, when they sent us off to consider our verdict, they provided a tray of sandwiches along with some chips and sodas.

I feel kinda bad about admitting this, because the poor schmuck on trial was clearly innocent and we could have had him out the door in five minutes, except that we waited to vote until after we’d eaten.

If there’d been an open bar, he might still be sitting there.

On the very unfunny side, what I really learned in that trial was how easy it is for an innocent person to end up in jail. This guy was the type to get himself in trouble, but more in a doofus way than a criminal sense. But, damn, they wanted his scalp!

Later — there was a 30-day rule before I could contact him after the trial — his ass-kicking public defender told me he sees horror story after horror story of innocent people being talked into taking pleas under the threat of being found guilty of something worse, simply because of public defenders who don’t make the effort.

But we don’t talk politics on Friday, so I won’t mention this.

 

Though, if we were talking politics, I’d point out that the Billy Ireland has received a trove of Ollie Harrington cartoons, and that sumbitch didn’t pull his punches.

I can’t wait for them to find an opportunity to put these up on exhibit.

 

Message to Newspaper Publishers

When I was about 19, Jones & Laughlin Steel was taken over in one of the first leveraged buyouts, and my father explained to me his anguish over how Ling-Tempco-Vought planned to gut the mine, closing it decades early in order to recoup their debt.

I was never so proud of anyone as I was when he quit and took another job rather than play the hangman for our little town.

Did it happen anyway? Sure.

But not by his hand.

Thirty-one years later, my publisher walked away from a newspaper chain his father had founded, after a Wall Street takeover saddled him with cuts he knew were immoral.

That’s called being a mensch.

Three terrific cartoonists were fired yesterday, and, sure, if their current publishers had refused to do it, the new publishers would have.

Nobody’s saying that it’s hard for the powers-that-be to find an asshole.

Point is, you don’t have to be one.

And if you think you can earn an ounce of loyalty from these heartless stock swappers, you’re also an idiot.

 

 

 

Community Comments

#1 Brad Walker
May/24/2019
@ 8:42 am

IIRC, Dex had a poster for 12 Hungry Men in his office, in the movie Foodfight. Only recommended in cases of extreme masochism.

#2 Kathleen Elizabeth Donnelly
May/24/2019
@ 12:00 pm

CS Lewis pointed out in That Terrible Strength, that a person who plays the SOB role can’t do it well unless he really enjoys it. This may explain why there are only two really happy men in Washington DC.

#3 Kip Williams
May/24/2019
@ 2:19 pm

Years ago, a comedy troupe called High Street used to come onto KFML one night a week and make up a new soundtrack for a movie showing on one of the Denver stations. They were often quite funny, and were eventually chased off the air because they subverted the commercials along with the movies. I wanted to see TWELVE ANGRY MEN too much to watch it with their improv, but heard later that they’d done a good job with it, changing the plot to twelve men in a room and trying to figure out how to leave. “Come on, men. We got in here, we must be able to get out!’

#4 Mike Peterson
May/24/2019
@ 3:58 pm

I thought I was the only person who remembered High Street. As I recall, their downfall came when they were doing Zorro and decided to play with Friar Tuck’s name — yeah, well, Friar Tuck was in Zorro the way they did it. Only when you swap consonants, the radio station bears the brunt.

Their take on the Philadelphia Story was masterful, and involved Girl Scout cookies.

#5 Mike Peterson
May/24/2019
@ 4:04 pm

For others: The deal was that you would turn on the TV to the correct station for the announced movie , but then turn down the sound and turn on KFML to enjoy the alternative soundtrack. The trick was that they had to select a movie where they knew where it was really headed so they could improvise an alternative script that was able to work in with the visuals. And, unlike MST, which came much later, they couldn’t use a movie that already sucked, because that was THEIR job.

#6 Mike Peterson
May/24/2019
@ 4:12 pm

And C.S. Lewis fits in with what I noticed on a whole other level, watching Dallas — anybody can play the debutante, but it takes some chops to play the villain. Linda Gray had far more work to do than Victoria Principal or Charlene Tilton.

And, yes, I’d be more proud to quote C.S. Lewis, but, dammit, I referenced Epictetus this morning and I’m entitled to reference Dallas by evening.

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