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Friday Diversion: The punchlines you wish you had written

I’m having dishwasher issues, so I’m either washing dishes, washing dishes that the dishwasher didn’t wash or just muttering unclean words at the dishwasher. There are two punchlines that keep coming to my mind during this experience.

Paraphrased from the TV show AfterMASH that ran brief as a sequel to M*A*S*H* comes this line:
Colonel Potter’s wife: “Don’t worry about the dishes, dear. We have a dishwasher”
Klinger’s Korean wife: “Oh, I’d love to meet her.”

Paraphrased line from Berkeley Breathed’s character Opus about women and dishes. It wasn’t even the punchline, but somehow stuck with me. “They stack the dishes so we have to wash the bottoms too.”

What’s your favorite punchline or phrase you wish you had written or that have stuck with you?

Community Comments

#1 mark mason
@ 1:05 pm

New Yorker cartoon. Nurse answering phone. “Urology. Can you hold?”

#2 Jason Campbell
@ 9:15 pm

Larson: Yes, That’s right – the answer is ‘Wisconsin’. Another 50 points for God and…uh-oh, looks like Norman, our current champion, hasn’t even scored yet.

#3 Samuli Lintula
@ 6:33 am

” … of Ulm.”

#4 C C Rockenbach
@ 11:24 am

“What’s the point of having a rapier wit if I can’t use it to stab people?” – Jeph Jacques

#5 Gerry Mooney
@ 10:04 am

“Don’t let a suitcase full of cheese become your giant fork and spoon!” – Episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” that concerned a suitcase full of cheese and a giant fork and spoon.

#6 Pete McDonnell
@ 12:27 pm

Lee Lorenz cartoon of two aliens inside their UFO looking at a typical paunchy suburban geezer with Hawaiian shirt, bermuda shorts & baseball cap: “You abducted it, you feed it.”

#7 John Cole
@ 2:35 pm

Unfortunately, mine’s an obscene punchline to a joke of undetermined authorship. I won’t post it here.

#8 Joe Engesser
@ 7:50 pm

Mankoff New Yorker toon. Guy on phone looking at rolodex. “No, Thursday’s out. How about never-is never good for you?”

#9 Jeff Pert
@ 11:49 am

Joe Engesser, that’s my favorite, too. Hangs in my cubicle at the day job.

#10 Gerry Mooney
@ 2:54 pm

“Pulp can move, baby!” – George Costanza on Seinfeld episode where a grapefruit squirts pulp in his eye.

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