CSotD: Building better men, one little boy at a time

Mike Peterson Published: November 4, 2012 1 minute 7 comments

In a somewhat coincidental follow-up to yesterday's post about kid-like kids in comics, we come to Baby Blues, a comic about parents for parents in which the kids are as exaggerated for comedic effect as are the situations.

I say "somewhat coincidental" because I would have chosen this strip anyway, but it's a nice match.

Baby Blues doesn't strive for realism and it's an error to try to fact-check each gag. In this case, I hope parents aren't actually trying too hard to get reassurance this soon after the fact.

The strip is now over two decades old, a factor being celebrated and discussed at their new, improved blog and with a massive (336 pages) hardcover collection of strips. Given that the strip began back then as a response to Rick Kirkman's stress over a new baby, I would suspect that Scott and Kirkman are at the point in life where they are beginning to hear back from their kids about what "took" and what didn't.

You have to deal with the randomness, with learning that something you felt was going to be a major influence is barely remembered, while a chance remark or minor event left a deep impression.

Sometimes it's just silly: I used to insert the names of our dogs when I played "Oh-Bla-Di-Bla-Da" and "The Ballad of Rocky Raccoon" for the kids, and only learned years later that they were kind of stunned when they heard the Beatles' versions of songs they thought their father had written.

I never made that claim, but it's kind of flattering and no harm was done.

But sometimes it's wonderfully flattering and sometimes it's stunningly cringeworthy to learn about some place you took them or some bit of wisdom you passed along that turned out to have a major impact one way or another.

The takeaway, which you can't possibly appreciate until it's far too late to do anything about it, is that you really have to be careful what you do as a parent: Much as you try to wrap one experience in colorful paper and flying unicorns, and hope you slipped another one in unnoticed, it's not going to be your choice what sticks and what doesn't.

Nobody tries to screw up, but parents have a particular obligation to minimize the inevitable.

This topic is a gold mine, but one that the format of this particular strip makes problematic.

The kids in Baby Blues grow, but only very slowly, and the overall concept requires that they remain pretty young. And so does the humor: If this were a more realistic strip, the conversation would be taking place with a much older child and would be more of an actual conversation.

It's much funnier with Hammie's vague cooperation than with the actual feedback a mother would get in "Between Friends," "Stone Soup" or "For Better or For Worse."

And it only works with Hammie.

Zoe would be the wrong character, in part because she's considerably more blunt than her brother but also because mother-daughter is a different bond, and the gag of Darryl wig-wagging silent prompts behind Wanda's back wouldn't fit.

I'm at something of a disadvantage in this, because my ex and I only see each other once a year or so, but I have certainly heard other women reminiscing with their grown or nearly-grown kids about "remember how" and "remember the time."

It may be a generality, but I believe it is also a valid observation to say that women do more centering of themselves around talking about memories than men do. The whole passion over quilting is based not just on women doing something together but on their attachment to memory, so that a bit of a dress that is becoming part of the quilt evokes deep emotional bonds on a level most men can only appreciate in theory.

Some strips might make fun of women's attachment to memory, but that's a bush-league approach to something a male cartoonist doesn't quite get.

What works so well in today's strip is that Darryl is teaching Hammie this important lesson: Don't come across like an insensitive jackass. If you have to keep it vague, fine, but for god's sake don't say it didn't leave an impression.

Some day, Hammie will be a better lover, better husband, better father for this.

Assuming, y'know, that he remembers it at all.

(Don't take my word for it, son: Listen to Aunt Ella and Uncle Oscar.)

Comments ⁷

MaggieZ

Yes, it’s fascinating to hear my mid-twenties children talk about the good old days. You are right about what they really took away versus what we wish they had taken away!
Another memory holder for women: scrapbooks. I’ve attended scrapbook weekends at places such as conference centers, with large rooms filled with women diligently preserving memories.

Mary in Ohio

I don’t have any kids of my own, except for the thousand or so that passed through my classroom. And all that you say holds true for teachers, too. And probably any similar milieu – scouts, or church, or 4-H or whatever. They remember things you don’t and vice-versa, of course.

Dann

Dammit….I was about to “harumpf” over the quilting crack when I ran into that delightful song at the end.
B/R
-D

Woodrowfan

“Some day, Hammie will be a better lover, better husband, better father for this.”
Except this is a comic strip so he’s going to be 5 years old for eternity….

Brian Fies

Karen and I were dismayed when we realized our young girls defined anything we happened to do for two holidays in a row as a Sacred Tradition. “But…but it doesn’t mean anything that we served green beans last Christmas Eve. It’s just a coincidence!” But no: next thing you know, it’s green beans every year. Meanwhile, the things that DO mean something–maybe because they meant something to you at that age–can’t get traction and slip away. You don’t choose the traditions, they choose you.

Mike Peterson

And you have to be willing to let your old things go, Brian,which not every parent can. (That sounds more like a “Between Friends” storyline than “Baby Blues,” though.) But what’s nice is to see a tradition pop up in your children’s families. And, speaking of green beans, my son had to explain to his wife that he didn’t WANT the green bean casserole to be made well — he wanted it made the old way, with canned beans, canned cream of mushroom soup and those canned onion rings. There’s no point in serving it if it isn’t “traditional,” because, honestly, it’s not that good a dish on its own, even made well.
And Woodrow, Hammie used to be a baby. He’ll be a young man … in about 120 years …
I don’t get scrapbooking, because, to this male mind, the picture IS the memory and cutting it into shapes, surrounding it with glitter and ribbon, diminishes the actual memory. I’m not saying that’s a fact, I’m just saying it’s a real gap in perception.
And, Mary, I once wrote a column about a tough Latin teacher from high school, tracked him down and sent him a copy, and he commented that he was never (last name) but always (MR. last name). He cracked me up. Yeah, you wish, (last name)! It was good to know he hadn’t lost his edge.
Dann, it’s hard to believe I’ve ever stifled one of your harumfs. I should probably retire right now.

Sherwood Harrington

Mike, I used to feel that way about scrapbooking, too, until this: http://sherwords.blogspot.com/2007/11/laughter-won.html

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