CSotD: Fan service
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"In the Bleachers" with a commentary underlined by a depressing gag. The fact that the kid wants to go sit among the loudmouths, jerks, idiots and imbeciles kind of deflates the whole "family section" concept, doesn't it?
Some major league franchises are featuring "family sections," or at least talking about doing that. I have no idea if it's really happening, or if the "family section" is anywhere that a sports fan would like to sit. I mean, it's sweet when a player scores a touchdown and then gives the ball to a kid in the stands, but you can't actually see the game from a front row seat in the corner of the end zone.
Yes, if you end up in those seats, you can see it on the Jumbotron. Which amounts to watching the game on television for $125 instead of at home where it's free.
If the "family section" is in the part of the stadium where, as the old joke goes, everyone stood before the game and asked the guy, "Jose, can you see?" then I say it's spinach and I say the hell with it. Or the "heck" with it. This is the family section, after all.
But I like how Steve Moore divides the fans into "families" and "loudmouths, jerks, idiots and imbeciles," because it highlights the concept that only people with small children object to being seated near the aforementioned beer-spilling, obscenity-screaming morons who, by that measure, are considered the default.
Best thing I ever saw at a hockey game was at the old Broadmoor World Arena, which had old-fashioned wooden seats at a very steep angle behind each end, so that only the top three or four inches of the seat in front of you was at your feet.
Some drunk up behind us was yelling obscenities at the refs and yelling obscenities at whoever was playing Colorado College that night, and then, when some older fellow down below us finally turned around and asked him to keep it down, the drunk started in on him.
This went on for about 10 minutes and then there was a considerable stir above us and we turned around to see that some giant lumberjack-looking guy — picture Nate from "Overboard" — had come into the row behind this loudmouth-jerk-idiot-imbecile, hoisted him out of his seat by his shoulders and had him dangling helplessly in the air.
"You can yell at the players and you can yell at the refs, but you leave the other fans alone!" the guy roared, and then flung him back down into his seat like a discarded towel, to a huge round of applause from the entire section.
And the drunk decided he didn't need to yell at anybody anymore.
But you shouldn't need guys like that to intervene. It's up to the franchise to maintain an atmosphere that is exciting but not psychotic.
The idea that, if you want the jumping up and shouting and yelling to be related to the action on the field and kept within some level of decency, then you need to go sit in a special section by yourself is as offensive to me as the drunkards being coddled by sports management.
At some stadiums, they have put limits on tail-gating, to keep, for instance, from having a full day of drinking in the parking lot before a night game. Many also cut off beer sales towards the end of a game, though it's not clear whether that is to control the crowd, or to try to drain some of the booze out of them before they drive home.
In any case, other countries do more. Unless they are pressured to do less.
Here's a month-old news item: Brazil has passed a law that will allow beer sales at the World Cup in 2014.
Like many other nations, Brazil had, in an effort to curb violence and hooliganism at soccer matches, banned alcohol sales in stadiums.
But Budweiser is a major sponsor of the World Cup, and so FIFA's General Secretary, Jerome Valcke, politely explained the problem:
"Alcoholic drinks are part of the FIFA World Cup, so we're going to have them. Excuse me if I sound a bit arrogant but that's something we won't negotiate."
And, after considerable discussion of the topic, Brazil caved.
Valcke has made a similar demand of the 2018 World Cup host, Russia, which also bans alcohol sales during soccer matches. Vladimir Putin responded with "We'll see," which, coming from him, is not the same as "Sure, boss, anything you want!"
But I guess we will see.
And then the next sounds-a-bit-arrogant discussion will be with the 2022 host nation, Qatar, where the ban on alcohol sales is not confined to sporting venues.
Meanwhile, Little Billy wants to go sit where the fun is.
Nice.
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