CSotD: Monday Short Takes
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Monty strikes at a male obsession appropriate for a three-day weekend. After a couple days of not having to shave, the question comes up of maybe growing some facial hair.
Which, by the way, doesn't relieve you of the need to shave, since nobody's face grows hair only in the mustache/beard regions.
You still have to shave daily, if you want to look like the Most Interesting Man in the World and not like Poor Ben Gunn.
Back in 1975, prolific author Michael Korda wrote a book called "Power: How To Get It, How To Use It," which was a Literary Guild selection which means I forgot to send in the damn card and ended up with a copy.
The Preppy Handbook wouldn't come out for another five years, but this was like the same thing for adults, except that it wasn't intended as comedy. On the other hand, I find "Mad Men" repulsive while others obviously dote upon it, so maybe I'm wrong about the attractiveness of upper middleclass entitled smugness.
In any case, the one piece of advice I remember from it was his warning against mustaches. Either grow a beard or shave, he counseled, because having a mustache brands you as indecisive.
I didn't say it was good advice, just that it was memorable.
I disagree, however, because I think a mustache makes you look decisive. It often, for instance, makes you look like you decided to eat some barbecued ribs. Or to go outside in very cold weather.
In any case, if you can pull off the Most Interesting Man beard, you should go for it. But don't think it's going to get you out of anything.
And for godsake don't go for the Amos Burnside look unless you are being paid to portray him in a movie.
Ditto with fancy mustachios.
Bear in mind that there is such a thing as being too interesting.
And while we're on the topic
About the same time Michael Korda slipped into his LaCoste shirt and boat shoes, poured a glass of white wine and told us all how to be cool, a new TV show called "Saturday Night Live" premiered with a spoof razor commercial for the "Triple Trac" which, rather than the two-bladed razors then hitting the market, had three.
The tagline was "Because you'll believe anything."
Apparently so, because, not only did the spoof unintentionally predict an actual three-bladed razor, but today's Edison Lee is spoofing the five-bladed razor that came out a few years after that.
Hey, don't forget: Father's Day is coming up!
I would rather receive a bar of Old Spice soap on a rope. Or a musical tie.
Or a piece of cheese, toasted.
And speaking of stupid ideas
Tank McNamara comments on Oprah's ridiculous idea of turning first-openly-gay-NFL-player Michael Sam's rookie season into a documentary.
Sam's decision to come out in advance of the draft may have been a good idea, given that I'm sure he didn't want to have to stay in the closet in a hostile lockerroom. But it did change the conversation from "Who wants to take a chance on this above average linebacker?" into "Who's gonna draft the gay guy?"
This is about as far from Jackie Robinson as you can get: Robinson was hand-selected as a black player whose talent was absolutely undeniable and who had the temperament to withstand the pressure of desegregating baseball.
His acceptance also opened the door for a flood of talented players from the Negro Leagues, so it was in Major League Baseball's best interests to make it happen, despite the resistance of bigots.
1. Michael Sam is a talented kid, but he was never projected as anything more than a mid-round pick. All other things being equal, his chances of making a team are a coin flip.
2. There is no Gay Football League with players of the level of talent of Cool Papa Bell, Satchel Paige and Josh Gibson. The really good gay players are already on rosters, and no vast talent pool is going to open up over this.
The fact that Sam has declared his orientation is a step towards the day when gay athletes will not have to hide their identities. But it puts his coaches in the position of having to make it clear that they are either cutting him or naming him to the roster because of his talent, not because they're either homophobic or over-compensating.
Which means that the best outcome for everyone will be either that he is absolutely, spectacularly brilliant or that he can't get out of his own way.
His college films suggest neither.
And the bottom line is this: Until he makes a squad, he won't be the first openly gay NFL player, nor will he even have a rookie season, and having cameras following him around would have changed an iffy situation into something completely unworkable.
Oprah, take some advice from modern youth coaching: Shut up and let the kid play.
And, finally
I've wondered how Francis would stay fresh. One key is that it only updates twice a week, so the artist doesn't have to drag out arcs or stretch to make deadline too often.
And I like this one.
Oh, by the way:
I didn't feature any Memorial Day cartoons because nothing stuck out. But I didn't ignore it.
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