CSotD: Does Anybody Want This War?
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Whoops. I said the W word, and this isn’t a war. It’s a Special Operation. We’re in a world of euphemistic joy and it’s up to all of us to cooperate with Dear Leader and make happy talk. He has excellent reasons for the decisions he makes and adapts them as needed to make them even truthier than the average president has offered in the past.
And Deering points out the impressive way that Dear Leader adapts to a changing situation, taking advantage of the truth as it pertains to things in the moment, rather than nailing it down and then forcing reality to fit a fixed, unyielding set of facts. We haven’t seen this kind of spur-of-the-moment analysis since Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf was Minister of Foreign Affairs of Iraq.
This positive viewpoint is not a random mood but, rather, a well-planned directive. Dear Leader has worked hard, with the help of the head of the FCC, to make sure that never is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day. And everything went smoothly when Bari Weiss took over CBS News so the news could be properly curated.
Sometimes, it takes a little extra effort: The head of Netflix reportedly went to the White House to talk about his plans for acquiring Warner Brothers, but came out looking unhappy and promptly announced that he didn’t want stupid Warner Brothers and Paramount could have it.
Paramount says nothing will change when they take over CNN, but that is what the new owner always says and it means to start spreading plastic over the furniture to avoid blood stains.
A fish becomes delightful from the head, which is why Dear Leader promised at his inauguration that he would not start any new wars. And he didn’t. He just performed some Special Operations, like a warpowersactadectomy and don’t we all feel better for it?
Some of these Special Operations are easier than others, and can be performed with a Sharpie. There can, however, be complications, and the Associated Press had to be excluded from Pentagon coverage because they kept dead-naming the Gulf of America, and now photographers had to be excluded from briefings.
Rumors were that this was because they kept making the Secretary of War look like a big fat doofus, but the Ministry of Truth explained that the problem was that the Pentagon only has 6.5 million square feet of floor space, and so it’s not practical for a press outlet to have both a reporter and a photographer at these events.
And since it’s important that reporters come and write down exactly what they have been told to report, there’s just no room for photographers to come along.
Anyway, it’s not true that government officials have been told not to panic and not to take off their shoes. In fact, they’ve been provided with free Florsheim shoes worth $145 that they wear to official functions, and while Dear Leader has to guess at their sizes, he gets them right and some officials like Secretary of State Rubio find the shoes especially roomy and comfortable.
As for the current Special Operation, it is expected to be concluded soon, since the only barrier at the moment is explaining the benefits of total surrender to the current tenants. There was a plan to bring in Moamar Ghaddaffi to speak of his experience but he wasn’t available.
Juxtaposition of the Day
I did a lot of fishing as a child and I never knew any worms to escape from the soup can of soil into which they had been collected.
And I would be hesitant to open a sealed can of worms, which — having been both heated and deprived of air in the canning process — I suspect would appear like a combination of sardines and Chef Boyardee spaghetti and no more likely to escape than either of those.
I’m not arguing with either cartoonist’s analysis, mind you. I think they’re both spot on in capturing Dear Leader’s dynamic self-confidence, which fits our current situation like a pair of Florsheim shoes.
Matson compares the Save Act to the “magic feather” without which Dumbo thought he could not fly. It’s a good use of the Republican Elephant and the little mouse directing him.
However, in the movie, the elephant really could fly while, in the real world, not only do polls indicate otherwise, but we’ve seen a series of special elections that made Dumbo’s situation seem a lot less promising.
Meanwhile, Dear Leader is threatening to go on a veto-ing rampage, refusing to let any legislation become law unless Congress passes the Save Act.
This strategy of further infuriating voters right before the midterms is daring, but not in a good way. It’s a no-win position.
When I worked the polls Tuesday, I spent seven hours having people show me their drivers license, and only one of them remarked, “By the way, I still resent having to do this,” which made us both chuckle and life went on. However, if the SAVE Act passes, it will require a great deal more effort and expense than going 25 miles to get a drivers license, and people will hate whoever made it happen.
Pass it or don’t pass it, but I’ve been, done, seen about everything when I see a elephant fly
Cost of living is as much an issue as it was when Biden was driven from office and Trump promised to fix the problem. The result is that inflation continues at 2.4%, grocery prices continue to rise, SNAP is cut and the boost in gas and heating costs put even more pressure on family budgets in a time of job losses.
Yet as Whamond notes, we’re spending tons of money on a war most people don’t support.
Anderson points out that Bondi’s suggestion to ignore our problems and focus on the Dow hitting 5,000 doesn’t work so well anymore: The Dow has fallen to 47,417.27, which isn’t bad, but isn’t 5,000, is it?
There won’t be a comedian at this year’s WHCA dinner, but here’s one that fits better than those stupid Florsheim shoes:
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