CSotD: In which Norm Feuti and I preach to the choir
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There are times when Retail gets into crabby, insider niches that only those who have worked at their local mall will find funny. On the other hand, "refreshingly honest" is a compliment, and it can also be a public service.
For instance, I can justify making the "It must be free!" joke when an item won't scan because I'm old enough to have been a shopper back when they first installed scanners in grocery stores, and to remember that, in order to help us adjust to the Brave New World, they promised us all that, if it didn't scan, they'd give it to us free!
Which they were happy to do, as long as it was a can of peaches. The policy ended when I tried to buy a coffeemaker at the grocery store and the scan code hadn't been input. That was my first post-scanner price-check delay.
So I should be able to make "It must be free!" jokes, because, dammit, they OWE me! Literally!
On the other hand, reading Retail has made me aware that "It must be free!" is as inevitable, repetitive and annoying to cashiers as "Here we go!" is to people who operate amusement park rides, and as pointless as busting the waiter's chops over something the cook screwed up.
Which has nothing to do with Val's complaint here, except that it seems petty and whiny until you think about it, and then it doesn't.
Besides, in today's case, hold-ups at the checkout counter also impact the other customers.
You know what I mean:
And checks really are an outdated technology.
I keep thinking that I should order new checks, because the checks I have still show the address and phone number from when I lived in Maine, which is rapidly closing in on four years ago.
And then I think, well, what the heck, I've got a whole lot of checks left and why spend money on something so inconsequential?
I write one check a month to my landlord, who knows my current address because we live in the same building. And I wouldn't write that one, if I weren't self-employed. Back in my wage-slave days, I had my rent direct-deposited in my landlord's bank account.
Sometimes I send a check to an artist, but I mostly PayPal them. Everything else goes on the debit cards. I have a couple of them, dedicated to different purposes.
Some people don't trust debit cards, however, and that's their right. There are all sorts of ways to pay for things, and the legal ones are all acceptable.
Pulling out a wad of cash for any purchase much over $20 is kind of, well, eccentric and becoming a little tacky, something along the lines of carrying around $50 and $100 bills. It summons up images of sitting in a rocker on the front porch with a shotgun in your lap, a corncob pipe in your toothless gob and your life savings stuffed in an old blue-tick mattress on a naked box spring.
But there's a reason they call it "legal" tender. It's legal.
And I carry a couple of blank checks in my wallet mostly for emergencies, like a broken scanner or a place that won't take plastic. It comes in handy sometimes. Sometimes three times in the same year!
Rarely that often.
Okay, look: There's nothing wrong with paying by cash or by check, but, in at least partial solidarity with Val and with the people behind you in line — and I know that nobody this relates to will read it because it's on the Internet — a few guidelines:
1. When paying in cash, remember that the cashier's drawer has all the coins laid out in order. If you've got the extra 15 cents to make the change bills-only, cool. But I promise you, it is faster and easier for the cashier to come up with 53 cents in change from the drawer than it is for you to come up with 47 cents from your change purse. Really. You are doing nobody any favor.
2. When writing a check, odds are the cash register can fill out everything but your signature. Just sign it and hand it over. The total isn't going to change and they'll show you the check before it goes in the drawer.
3. If you insist on writing the check yourself, fine, but the name of the store will not change in the course of the transaction. Your name will probably remain the same, too. And, unless you're in an all-night place, the date isn't likely to change while you're standing there. You can fill in all those things now, and just write in the total when it comes up.
4. If you stand there and balance your checkbook after completing your purchase, the people behind you in line are legally entitled to urinate on your leg.
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