CSotD: Waiting For Superman To Get Done In There
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Speed Bump raises some interesting issues and disturbing images today.
We have to start with the admission that this comic has already gone way over the "I should really just relax" line. Which is what makes it funny.
But, as long as we're ignoring that excellent advice, Superman's biological functions are problematic, because, while he is invulnerable, he is not immortal. He went from a baby to a grown man, after all.
I don't think he can get drunk, because that response is based on alcohol's toxic properties, and he's invulnerable.
But he must process food, and so I would say that, yes, Superman poops. And SuperPoop(TM) would be like regular poop, although the superpooper would have had to learn to control delivery in the same way he had to learn not to crush doorknobs in the normal course of walking around on his adopted planet.
Which makes me think that baby Kal-El must have blown a few diapers into the next county before he developed that kind of muscular discipline. ("Brace yourself, Jonathan! He's getting that funny look on his little face!")
But beyond that, Coverly raises an interesting issue here that I hadn't really thought about before. A second issue I hadn't really thought about before, that is. I hadn't thought about that other one until now, either.
The second issue is, does the blue part of Superman's outfit consist of a top and bottom, kind of like invulnerable silk long undies? Or is it a gigantic stretch onesie?
I'm going with the unitard, because a top stretched that tight would probably ride up while he was doing all that twisting and lifting and flying and stuff, and he'd end up with a bare midriff, unless his top was extra-length at which point, even with the red modesty shorts covering the join, tucking in that much fabric would ruin the line.
Most unitards have a scoop neckline, not for fashion but so you can step into it. Superman's unitard does not, but, then, it's invulnerable, being made by Ma Kent from the blanket he was wrapped in when his birth parents shot him into space, and he has super-strength to be able to stretch it out and put the thing on, while it would retain its elasticity.
And I think it's got footsies that are a different color but still part of the unitard. We're dealing with some pretty fine crocheting on Ma's part to start with (he's lucky not to be wearing blue fishnet), but, while it's possible for her to have unraveled the blanket and then made it into a super costume, I don't see any way for her to have cobbled boots out of the upholstery of Kal-el's rocket seat.
Worst part of this is that I suspect it has all been discussed at great length by people who were completely serious about it.
I have said before, and long believed, that DC painted themselves into some corners back in the 1960s by trying to come up with logical explanations for questions from kids when the real answer was "Maybe you've outgrown this comic," or the one my mother would use when we'd ask her how Santa could deliver our gifts when we didn't have a fireplace: "That's a good question. What do you think?"
Which brings us to Blessed Andrew of Rooney, who only needs two more miracles for canonization, at which time he will be proclaimed the Patron Saint of Those Who Spend Way Too Much Time Pondering Stuff. (Feast Day: January 14)
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