CSotD: Next generation up
Skip to comments
Timing is everything in comedy, and today's Foxtrot (which is reruns Mon-Sat but new on Sundays) hits at the right moment.
I called my granddaughter yesterday to ask about a seemingly ridiculous situation at a neighboring high school, in which the guys from the football team got together at a kid's house and did stupid, sexist, moronic but basically non-violent things and the Long Arm of the Law got involved.
Knowing that the jungle drums are almost always more knowledgeable than the over-30 journalists, I wanted to know from her if (1) it was as stupid as it sounded, and (2) whether the paper had (A) gotten it right, (B) cleaned it up or (C) blown it out of proportion.
She said (1) yes, and that (2) was a combination of (B) and (C).
The problem was that the boys had concluded their adolescent testosterone festival by planning to put a bag of crap in the locker of a freshman player who, I gather, had missed the party. But they were off by one locker and accidentally put it in that of a girl who, understandably, reported it to the office.
Now, a generation or two ago, this would have meant yelling at the guys and handing out some detentions. But, today, once the element of hazing comes into things, the administration is required by law to report it to the police.
As the story says, the police captain in the town where the party took place, since he happened to be on the more sane side of the state border, was given the discretion to not send the children to the Big House.
So I guess the matter is resolved.
But it reminded me of an incident at my old alma mater a few years ago where some seniors, as their Senior Prank, let a rooster loose in the school overnight.
The kids were charged with criminal trespass, and, as the news report goes on, "An emergency school board meeting (was) called for 7 p.m. Thursday to
discuss whether the students should face further punishment."
I remarked to my granddaughter that, had this hard-ass attitude towards law-and-order prevailed when I was a kid, my buddies and I would have all been sent to the electric chair. At least two or three times each.
Now, let me say that I understand and support anti-hazing laws. But a term like "significant risk of bodily harm" or something similar needs to be in there somewhere, because requiring administrators to call out the law every time teenagers act stupid is … stupid.
Apparently, the law is written in the belief that "The only way to stop a student who has no sense of judgment is with a law that has no sense of proportion."
The flaw in the argument being that silly kids grow up and mature, while silly laws tend to be writ in stone.
And the more critical thing being, as I told her, that, instead of raising kids with an appreciation for democracy and self-government, we've made them a generation that fully expects to live in a Police State and accepts it as necessary and normal.
We begin when they are still toddlers, by fingerprinting them at the mall or at local fairs, to let them know that the world is so full of wicked, evil, murderous stranger-danger that only a strong police presence can save them from being abducted, raped and murdered.
(We don't point out that having their fingerprints on file won't protect them from this highly unlikely fate, but does help us track them down if they don't wipe down the rooster.)
And the indoctrination continues, with kids continually subject to searches and invasions of privacy in the name of "safety" ever after.
We can't pass background checks to keep crazy people from buying guns, but we can pass regulations so that, if a kid says, "I coulda killed him for that" or draws a cartoon of a hated teacher getting what-for, a dragnet falls over him and he's swept off to counseling and possible prosecution.
I said to her that I have felt for many years that my generation was going to have to apologize to her generation for the mess we left behind, but I really thought it would be mostly about the economy, as Tom Toles pointed out way back in 1987, when he was at the Buffalo News and her father was one of those high school kids who got yelled at a lot, but not, ferchrissake, arrested.
And I told her I was sorry we had left her and her sisters and her cousins not only in a wrecked economy but in a wrecked economy within a police state.
And I pointed out, in my own defense, that there was a reason my particular sub-culture had referred to ourselves as "freaks," and that we really had been trying to hold ourselves apart from the Creeping Meatballism of our times.
So, going back to Foxtrot, yeah, no, Roger is right: This isn't the United States that we learned about in high school.
Maybe we should have paid more attention when they marched us down to the auditorium to hear that nice couple from the John Birch Society who warned that, if we didn't fight the Russians, we'd end up in a country where our phones were tapped, our mail was read and we had to carry national ID cards and get permission to travel.
'Cause we never went to war with the Russians and look at us now.
Anyway, to go back to football for a minute, there's a popular phrase, "next man up," which means you can't obsess over the superstars that you've lost to graduation or injuries. You need to win with the players you've got on the field.
The "next man up" has to be prepared to come through for the team.
My generation isn't gone yet, but we've certainly lost a step or two and our playing days are coming to a close. And we pretty much screwed it up anyway.
While I told her the thing about being a freak in part to cushion my sense of guilt, I have also made a concerted effort through the years to encourage her to abandon the meatball herself.
Which is a bit like encouraging a fish to swim. She's a good, smart, tough kid and I'm not worried about her.
I just wish we were leaving her a cleaner ocean in which to swim.
Mike Peterson has posted his "Comic Strip of the Day" column every day since 2010. His opinions are his own, but we welcome comments either agreeing or in opposition.
Comments 2
Comments are closed.