CSotD: Peirce’s pierless humor
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I can't remember whether I took Junior Lifesaving at 14 or 16, but Big Nate is giving me a small dose of Post Traumatic Swimming Disorder.
Big Nate is a cartoon that provides adults with memories of how it was while providing tweens with laughs about how it is, and, given his paperbacks and ibooks and his presence on the web, Lincoln Peirce may be one of a small cadre of syndicated cartoonists who don't have to worry too much about life in the post-pulp universe.
But aside from being well-positioned, Peirce is also very funny, a former teacher who remembers his students only too well.
Getting back to this particular story arc, I had enough trouble just getting through the swimming test for Junior Lifesaver, because you had to demonstrate proficiency in several strokes, including the freestyle, which isn't. It's what used to be the Australian Crawl and it's a method of drowning young boys whose sinuses don't like being submerged sideways no matter how you time the breathing.
But I passed the swim test — I think it was 100 yards at each stroke — and then it was time to rescue the drowning swimmer, and they chose a counselor who was on the lacrosse team at Cornell and probably could have played running back on the football team instead. So the muscular young behemoth struggled in the water and I swam out to him, whereupon he grabbed my wrist and began to pull me under.
I did as we had been taught — slid the thumb of my free hand between my wrist and his hands while simulataneously planting a foot on his chest and kicking off, which broke his grip. Then I swam back to the dock and climbed out.
"What are you doing?" the instructor asked.
"He's too strong," I said. "No sense in both of us drowning. I'm going to wait until he weakens."
He thought about that for a moment and decided he couldn't refute my logic. "Go a little easier, Cal!" he shouted to the drowning lacrosse player, and then I went out and towed the fellow to shore.
Without using the Australian Crawl.
I hope Nate finds a similar way around what I suspect will be a similar problem. But whether he uses my Darwinian/Pragmatic approach or something more from the seltzer-down-your-trunks school of lifeguarding, I'll be watching.
From the dock.
Been there, done that, got the patch.
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