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CSotD: I’ll drink to that

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Mike Peterson Published: July 16, 2010 1 minute 0 comments

There was a time when, having worked at a couple of restaurants, I thought it might be nice to own one. That lasted about a minute and a half, until I realized that, in order to stay in business, I'd probably need a bar, and, in order to have a bar, I'd have to tend it, and, if I wanted people to come there more than once, I'd have to sell booze to people who really should just go home.

A few years later, I spent about a year in talk radio. The first few months, I was on in the evening, and all these drunks would call up. Talk show drunks are easy to spot, because, while they don't slur their speech or belch in the middle of their sentences like Foster Brooks, they do use overly precise diction and huge words in order to make you think that they are (A) intelligent and (B) sober. 

After about half a year, I took over the 9-to-noon show, and had to deal with fewer drunks. Somewhat fewer. Not that much fewer. About the same number of drunks, but at a time of day when I had a few more sober callers to lighten the mix.

In the end, and thank God there was one, I became convinced that, if Prohibition ever returned, talk radio would be the first victim.

It's the best argument for bringing back Prohibition that I can think of.

Anyway, I liked today's Non Sequitur, but it would never work, Wiley.

Not, of course, that anybody cares what I think.