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CSotD: The Next Generation Wins One

This is the day the Continental Congress approved the Declaration of Independence. July 4 is the day they announced it. One of the great “Who cares?” of history.

It turns out John Adams cared, according to this 1976 clipping I found when I was looking for Bicentennial stuff (stay tuned).

You have to bear in mind that Adams also thought the president should be called “Your Highness” and when his wife famously asked him to remember women’s rights in the new Constitution, his response was kind of a pat on the head.

Sometimes you don’t get your way in a democracy. And sometimes you do, as the Supreme Court demonstrated in the birthright matter.

As Heller points out, babies won and the Trump contingent lost. It’s important to point out that the anti-birthright people were not against babies, just against immigrants and mostly against the wrong immigrants, “right” and “wrong” not only being an issue of where you were born but whether you can pass the Brown Paper Bag Test.

It’s a fairly simple matter, and while in overturning the Voting Rights Act the Supreme Court said that it isn’t racism unless someone specifically says it is racism, they had no problem with the president saying that some African, South American and Asian countries are shitholes while countries in Scandinavia are terrific, because he didn’t use the N-word.

And as Jones points out, he feels justified in admitting white South Africans based on a totally ridiculous cock-and-bull story about them being murdered for racial reasons, even though the president of South Africa explained to him how bogus the story is, and even though you’d have to be either a bigot, a moron or Elon Musk to believe something so racist and stupid. And, yes, I know I just committed a redundancy.

But speaking of things you’d have to be an idiot to believe, the bots and trolls and occasional humans over at Xitter are exploding over the farcical notion that the birthright decision will trigger a flood of pregnant women coming to the United States to whelp little American citizens.

We’re told this occasionally happens, but, then again, we’re told that white South Africans are being targeted by mobs and that Haitians dine on their neighbors’ pets and that Donald Trump graduated from Wharton with honors. So I did a little quick poke around to see how easy it would be for poor women from shithole countries to come to America, give birth to tiny citizens, and go home again, kind of like Angela Lansbury in the Manchurian Candidate. (In the timebomb sense, not the actual birthing sense.)

Let’s assume — to choose two cities a reasonable distance apart — that a woman from Rome decides to have a baby in Boston. And let’s assume she’s okay with average costs of everything in Boston, and that the baby, bless its cooperative little soul, arrives on its due date via uncomplicated vaginal delivery.

To start with, humans have an average gestation period of 40 weeks, but airlines won’t let a pregnant woman fly after her 36th week. Nor should you fly home until six weeks following childbirth, so she and the father must stay here a total of 10 weeks.

Two roundtrip tickets: $1,334
70 days in a hotel: $16,310
Birth w/o insurance: $28,888
Meals for parents: $6,020
————–
TOTAL COST: $52,552

And please don’t tell me they’ll just sneak across the Southern border and birth the kid in a field somewhere, because we’ve been told that Dear Leader and ICE and the Border Patrol have completely sealed that off, and they wouldn’t lie.

Also unattended births produce trouble getting that all-important documentation.

“Birth tourism” is obviously a really stupid idea, since any couple who can drop 50 large would be welcomed here anyway.

The idea is nearly as stupid as thinking we’re going to suddenly have enough Muslims living here that they will be able to repeal the Constitution and install a highly conservative form of strict theocratic law that I’d bet most of them came here to get away from.

One of the nice things about being an idiot is that you can readily believe anything. One of the Thank God things about it is that stupid people would have trouble locating all the documents they’d need to vote if the Save Act somehow became law, the Save Act being something like Sharia Law for the Christian Taliban.

Better just try not to think about it at all.

The frightening part of the birthright decision is not that it will set off birth tourism, but rather that it was a 6-3 decision. And speaking of stupid people, these guys are not stupid nor are they illiterate, and yet they have trouble reading the plain words of the 14th Amendment. Or at least they claim to.

Sheneman boils down their reasoning to the notion that the framers of the 14th Amendment had something else in mind. This makes little enough sense even before you get to the part about the justices claiming to be originalists. If someone else said they could read the minds of the dead, you’d worry about letting them walk around unsupervised.

Though some cuckoo bird the other day opined that people don’t realize that Dwight Eisenhower was a general. Maybe he meant those people who can’t spell “dumb” because they don’t know it has a silent B in it.

Though we oughtn’t to be too snide, as long as there are people on the other side of the aisle who either think the XIVth was part of the Bill of Rights or else that people still wore powdered wigs in 1868.

McKee’s right, however, that the language of the amendment is perfectly clear. I gather the clause that dissenting justices puzzled over was “subject to the jurisdiction thereof,” which excluded Indians-not-taxed and babies born to diplomats.

I like their interpretation that undocumented immigrants are not subject to the jurisdiction of the federal government, because I guess that means they, too, have diplomatic immunity and can do pretty much whatever they want.

Show me your papers.
I don’t have any.
Okay, you’re free to go.

Here are some non-citizens singing about one of their kids:

Mike Peterson has posted his "Comic Strip of the Day" column every day since 2010. His opinions are his own, but we welcome comments either agreeing or in opposition.

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Comments 26

  1. As far as I can tell, when they performed this, they WERE citizens in the country they were born in and under the jurisdiction of. They were in London.

  2. “One of the nice things about being an idiot is that you can readily believe anything.”

    You need to print that on a tee shirt.

    1. I’d use it as an e-mail signature quote if I thought I could get away with it.

    2. Just saved this quote to my file of great quotes I have found over the years on the internet.

      1. Molly Ivins said that there are some funny conservative comedians, (she gave P. J. O’Rourke as an example) but most of them punch down, which is neither effective nor funny–like making fun of someone with a disability, to choose someone completely at random, Serge Kovaleski. Successful comedy punches up and makes fun of The Ruling Class. I also think liberals are lot easier poking fun at themselves. See, for example, UK’s late Jeremy Hardy, who said “I try to be self-deprecating, but I’m not very good at it.” Can you name anyone in Dear Leader’s administration who has a sense of whimsy?

  3. The idea is nearly as stupid as thinking we’re going to suddenly have enough Muslims living here that they will be able to repeal the Constitution and install a highly conservative form of strict theocratic law that I’d bet most of them came here to get away from.

    That’s why the south/midwest have been trying to hurriedly install a highly conservative form of strict theocratic law before they get here. Just to be on the safe side. And to win the Highly Conservative Form of Strict Theocratic Law Olympic Gold Medal.

  4. “a bigot, a moron, or Elon Musk” feel like you could’ve saved a bit of time and ended that sentence with the word “both”. Means the same thing, in that context

  5. Your ability to make me lol about such serious sh!t is either very welcome or very scary.

    It is to laugh.

    1. Funny enough, I was reading an article on AV Club about ‘The Prisoner’ and it ended by essentially saying “Humor is the most effective weapon against fascism” in regards to Number 6’s seemingly futile efforts

      In dark times we *need* to keep our sense of humor, if we lose it then the fascists have won.

  6. It’s a slippery slope. Once you claim that the US born children of immigrants are citizens, next you will claim that the Constitution gives them the right to vote and that Congress has the authority to protect that right. And we all know how silly that is.

  7. In the teens there was a news story about a condo complex in Miami with the Trump name attached, though i do not know if they owned or managed it. At least part of it rented to the wives and mistresses of Russian oligarchs, and it had pregnancy and childcare instruction in Russian, and Russian speaking medical staff. It was purposely for citizenship. I do not know how much profit the Trump businesses made from it.

    People who have always been wealthy like the oligarchs and our admin often have no grasp about what others can not afford.

  8. Someone on the internets has pointed out that if Thomas, Alito, and Gorsuch think that the XIVth Amendment doesn’t apply to immigrants’ babies, then the IInd shouldn’t apply to semiautomatic weapons and the Ist shouldn’t apply to television and the internet.

    Of course, the Bill of Rights says nothing about bugging our phones, either.

    1. Different argument entirely. The Second was about militias and, like the Third, quickly became irrelevant until gun nuts dug it back up and repurposed it entirely in the late 1970s. The army was reorganized after the War of 1812 and while states retained their militias, they were no longer part of national defense, having repeatedly failed in the war.

      The state-based regiments of the Civil War were not showing up with their own squirrel guns but were outfitted with standard firearms by their organizers, who also trained, drilled and paid them.

      You have to genuinely ignore the history and intent of the Second to believe it has any meaning today. Not that we aren’t capable of doing that. But it has nothing to do with changes in technology and everything to do with changes in national security approaches.

      1. It would appear that the parts of the constitution that are still relevant are those that are totally irrelevant.

    2. Apparently Kavenaugh also thinks that the XIVth Amendment doesn’t apply to immigrants’ babies, and they’re only protected by current statute. So the important issue of constitutional interpretation was only decided 5-4, not 6-3.

  9. I have no idea what a parabola is, and Brian Basset sat behind me in math. Must be the school’s fault! 😉 A guy who would grow up to be one of Trump’s lawyers sat in front of me in that class. With some kind of prescience, I spent most of my time swiveled around talking to Brian. Hey, maybe that’s why we’re both clueless on parabolas!

  10. 1) I suspect the elephant in the Branch cartoon might be a nod to the recent viral clip of an elephant relieving itself on the floor at a Texas Republicans rally. (Having such an animal in a crowded convention area seemed like a special kind of stupid to begin with—everyone’s pretty lucky all it did was pee.)

    2) AJ—I’d heard the show “King of the Hill” described as “conservative comedy” and it’s probably the best example I can think of—Hank’s a “small c” conservative and the show pokes fun at some of the excesses of liberalism without being cruel about it.

  11. This reminds me of what Peter Cook said:

    “Cook frequently stated that his satirical comedy club in London was purposefully modeled after the 1920s and 1930s Berlin cabarets. According to Cook, these Weimar-era cabarets “did so much to stop the rise of Hitler and prevent the outbreak of the Second World War.”

  12. Friday’s Barney & Clyde presents a similar calculation to demonstrate that those immigrant birthers could spend the money to attend a World Cup game, instead.

  13. The conservative justices remind me of the old punchline, “Who you gonna believe? Me or your lyin’ eyes?”

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