CSotD: Puttin’ on the Style
Skip to comments… and the "snow means global change is wrong" cartoons are flooding in as they do each year at this time … but let's talk about other things people should learn in middle school …

Big Nate goes after a fairly fat, slow-moving target, but one with particular resonance for me.
My pay-the-rent gig involves assigning and editing the work of some very bright young writers and I enjoy working with them, but, perhaps paradoxically, one of my main goals is to teach them to stop writing the way I want them to write.
That is, while I want them to write like professional journalists ought to write, I don't want them to do it to please me. I want them to earn my praise without seeking my praise.
Start here: The review of "Saving Mr. Banks" we ran was very positive and I would have panned the film.
But it was also extraordinarily well-written, and I happen to know that her parents don't touch up her work, though some of the kids do get a little too much "help" at home. Here's her copy as filed; my edits for the print version were primarily for length, not phrasing.
I loved the review, after I realized that she had no background in how Disney operates and so didn't bring all that baggage into the theater. Instead, she came in as an 11-year-old who had read the books, seen both the movie and the Broadway play and even figured out the meaning of the title ahead of time.
And, you know, for not having watched through a filter of suspicion and loathing, she may have a more artistically valid POV than I would have.
In any case, she was assigned to go see the movie and write what she thought of it. She wasn't assigned to go see the move and try to guess what I thought of it.
Therein lies the teachable moment.
I promise you that, if your teacher assigns a book, you are expected to like it. I learned this the hard way in 11th grade when I dismissed "Ethan Frome" as "maudlin Victorian melodrama."
Not only are you expected to like the assigned piece, but you are expected to get from it the things your teacher wants to you get from it. This, of course, includes knowing the author's intentions (whether explicitly stated in the text or not), but it applies to all details of the piece: It's not enough to find symbolism, you have to find the right symbolism and interpret it as the teacher did.
In practical terms, this means that a movie has to really, really suck to get a bad review from our critics.
It is virtually impossible to get a truly frank appraisal, given the twin factors of my having assigned it and their having gotten to attend the preview screening along with the other media.
Book and game reviews are another matter, and they are apt to be more candid in those. However — and Big Nate will appreciate this — the boys are more apt to turn up their noses at something than are the girls. The girls will continue to sort through the steaming pile until they find something to praise.
But we do what we can, and I think the kids who are in the program for more than a year (they have to leave after turning 14) do indeed become more independent on that level.
The more insidious element is that they have learned in school to write in a style which gains them praise. Helping them develop their own voice is a challenge to which I have virtually no key except to praise it when it accidentally leaks out into something they've written.
We've got one of our twice-a-year workshops this coming weekend and I am contemplating imposing on them a firm "No question lede" rule. They have learned through reading the chirpy crap foisted upon them to start stories with "Have you ever …?" and "Did you know …?" and I've allowed it from time to time.
And I can't blame them for not having their own voices if I don't stop them from mirroring that condescending, patronizing style.
Unless I do so on the basis that, if they don't learn to write pat, formulaic prose, they will never get their personal essays accepted at NPR, which really needs to go ahead and gather up all those insightful — nay, evocative — reflections under the title, "What I Learned At The Writer's Workshop."
Which brings us to a rarity here, a rerun. However, today's classic Calvin and Hobbes touched a recently-exposed nerve:

The connection is that yesterday it occurred to me that watching football is depressing because they keep interrupting with promos for TV shows I think could be used by the police to break reluctant witnesses.
That wouldn't be so bad if they didn't follow each sample of a laughably formulaic cop show or a sit-com apparently based on vulgar insults and jokes about boobs with a tagline boasting that it is America's most highly rated whatever.
I've said it before: Back in the Middle Ages, when the marketplace was full of puppet shows that consisted of fart jokes and puppets hitting each other with wooden spoons, the gaping morons gathered around those stalls were not expected or permitted to have any input in society's governance. Their role was strictly to harvest the crops, build the cathedrals and die in the wars.
The flaw in those days was the lack of social mobility. The peasant who watched for a few minutes and said, "What is this shit?" or even the one who watched and said, "I really shouldn't be laughing at this" was never going to escape from a life of harvesting crops, building cathedrals and dying in wars.
And that was wrong.
But honestly? If he'd been allowed to wash off the mud, put on some untattered clothes and go live in the castle on the hill, the big difference would be that the highly stylized entertainments would be played out for him by live actors rather than puppets.
And about once a month, they would promise to stage concerts of popular, highly entertaining minstrels, but at the end of each song, someone would interrupt for 15 minutes of badgering him to donate to support the wonderful live presentations he likes so much, and which are only made possible by the support of the Goldsmiths' Guild, the Saddlemakers' Guild and contributions from people like him.
Count me among those who would rather stand in the mud saying, "I really shouldn't be laughing at this," than sitting amid plush tapestries thinking that I really should.
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