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CSotD: It’s a wise child who knows a damn thing anymore

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Mike Peterson Published: January 27, 2011 1 minute 0 comments

    
Mike Luckovich takes a look at our national family reunion.

On one level, this story isn't particularly shocking. We already knew that Oprah didn't grow up on a silk pillow, and these things do happen.

On the other hand, it comes hard on the heels of the story of the woman who discovered she'd been kidnapped from a hospital as an infant and raised by an imposter mom.

And we know that anything Oprah does becomes a national phenomenon.

Are we about to be engulfed by a wave of people finding out they aren't who they thought they were, and that they're actually related to a whole different bunch of people?

"Okay, everyone reach under your seats! You're getting a brand-new family!"

The only sensible way to handle this is for everyone to submit cheek swabs immediately. We'll make it a priority, a sort of Sputnik-moment shovel-ready job-creating initiative, to set up hundreds of DNA labs to process them all.

Then we'll have a series of meet-ups at sports arenas throughout the nation.

"All right, listen up! Everyone with a red dot on their ticket, go to Section 36 …" and we just shift everyone around until they're finally paired up with the right people.

And if you find out you really were born in Kenya after all, well, that's just your tough luck.