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Columnist worries that Funky death will become a trend

Plain Dealer columnist Michael Heaton, despite admitting his was touched by the death of Funky Winkerbean character Lisa Moore, is worried that it will become a trend as cartoonists see the attention that Tom Batuik received.

So what do we have to look forward to in the funnies of the near future?

Marmaduke the mutt is put down after he runs amok and bites Jeffy from Family Circus. Then poor little Jeffy meets his maker after a bad bout of rabies, all highlighting the issue of responsible pet owning. That would be horrible.

Speaking of which, Hagar couldn’t remember the word for dementia in last Friday’s cartoon. You don’t think we’re going to forced to watch his slow, agonizing descent into the murky realm of early Alzheimer’s disease, do you?

It might take a cardiac episode for Garfield to finally face the harsh reality of his morbid obesity. One lasagna too many, and it’s a backyard service in a really big shoe box for our furry feline friend.

Beetle Bailey snaps under pressure on maneuvers and frags Sarge. He’s later court martialed and shot at dawn. Meanwhile, General Halftrack is struck by lightning while playing golf.

Dagwood chokes to death on a giant sandwich. Moral of the story? Chew each bite 32 times.

Charlie Brown becomes a quadriplegic after Lucy pulls the football away at kickoff once too often. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

Community Comments

#1 TonyC
October/12/2007
@ 11:30 am

These comics sound great! Especially that Marmaduke idea.

#2 Danny Burleson
October/12/2007
@ 3:10 pm

“It might take a cardiac episode for Garfield to finally face the harsh reality of his morbid obesity. One lasagna too many, and itâ??s a backyard service in a really big shoe box for our furry feline friend.”

Robot Chicken actually covered that one already in Heathcliff vs. Garfield.

#3 Eric Burke
October/12/2007
@ 7:56 pm

I think it would be funnier to have Gen. Halftrack die of a heart attack while on Viagra!

Otherwise, I agree that those tragic comics sound great!

Except Peanuts…that strip already ended so you can’t lump it in with the others…

#4 Sandy
October/13/2007
@ 6:41 pm

Trixie (Hi & Lois baby) could have her crib from Wal Mart collapse with her in it, and she could eat some lead based paint chips while she’s stuck inside.

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